Si vous vous attaquez aux maximes de tous les humoristes, on est pas arrivé

je Re un autre classique:

c'est en se mouchant qu'on devient moucheron

Un sacré comique contemporain, ce petit c**.

la tonnelle est la femelle du tonneau (perso)

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Ou la tourtel du tourteau...

... et la selle du seau ...

la vaisselle du vaisseau

l'aisselle du pruneau

je vois que s'en inspire certains

sur une moto anglaise, le volant est à droite (perso)

"Françaises, Français,
Belges, Belges,
Tourterelles, tourtereaux,
Isabelles, Isabeaux,
Damoiselles, damoiseaux,
Jouvencelles, jouvenceaux,
Macrelles, maquereaux,
Béchamels, beaux chameaux,
Pucelles, puceaux,
Marcel Marceau."

(Pierre Desproges, bien sûr )

Trouvées sur Internet, ces deux réflexions délicieusement misogynes :

J'ai déjà entendu dire quelque part que les femmes ont une perception spatiale moins développée que les hommes. Mais moi je suis pas d'accord : pour réussir à complètement bloquer une allée de super-marché de 3 mètres de large avec un chariot qui fait 1 mètre par 50 centimètres, ça nécessite une sacrée perception spatiale !

Les femmes se maquillent supposément pour plaire aux hommes. Mais si c'était vrai, alors pourquoi ne voit-on à peu près jamais de gars dans les annonces de cosmétiques, mais qu'il y a pratiquement toujours un miroir ?


Bon, ce n'est pas avec ça que je vais me faire des amies...
Klim.

pour l'avoir vu récemment, je ne résiste pas à l'envie de vous faire partager des morceaux cultes de 'the holy grail' des monty python:

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there?
King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Pull the other one!
King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Where'd you get the coconuts?
King Arthur: We found them.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
King Arthur: What do you mean?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Well, this is a temperate zone
King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
King Arthur: Please!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Am I right?

King of Swamp Castle: Guards, make sure the prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.
Guard #1: Not to leave the room... even if you come and get him.
Guard #2: [hiccups]
King of Swamp Castle: No, no. *Until* I come and get him.
Guard #1: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.
King of Swamp Castle: No, no, no. You *stay* in the room, and make sure *he* doesn't leave.
Guard #1: And you'll come and get him.
Guard #2: [hiccups]
King of Swamp Castle: Right.
Guard #1: We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the room.
King of Swamp Castle: No, no. *Leaving* the room.
Guard #1: Leaving the room, yes.
King of Swamp Castle: All right?
Guard #2: [hiccups]
Guard #1: Right. Oh, if, if, if, uh, if, if, uh, if, if, if, we... oh, if... oh...
King of Swamp Castle: Look, it's quite simple. You just stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave the room. All right?
Guard #2: [hiccups]
Guard #1: Oh, I remember, uh, can he leave the room with us?
King of Swamp Castle: No, no, no, no, you just keep him in here, and make sure...
Guard #1: Oh yeah, we'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave, and we were with him...
King of Swamp Castle: No, just keep him in here...
Guard #1: Until you, or anyone else...
King of Swamp Castle: No, not anyone else. Just me.
Guard #1: Just you.
Guard #2: [hiccups]
King of Swamp Castle: Get back.
Guard #1: Get back.
King of Swamp Castle: All right?
Guard #1: Right, we'll stay here until you get back.
King of Swamp Castle: And make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard #1: What?
King of Swamp Castle: Make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard #1: The prince?
King of Swamp Castle: Yes, make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard #1: Oh, yes, of course.
[Points at Guard #2]
Guard #1: I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me I were to guard him when he's a guard.
King of Swamp Castle: Is that clear?
Guard #2: [hiccups]
Guard #1: Oh, quite clear. No problems.
King of Swamp Castle: Right.
[King of Swamp Castle turns to leave the room, both guards follow him]
King of Swamp Castle: Where are you going?
Guard #1: We're coming with you.
King of Swamp Castle: No, no, no. I want you to stay here and make sure *he* doesn't leave.
Guard #1: Oh, I see. Right.

"Dis moi qui tu suis, je te dirai qui je hais", hubert félix thiéfaine